so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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