first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
