woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
