I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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