Just fell off a train. Bad.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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