whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
