you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
