You smell like stripper and shame
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
