WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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