my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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