You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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