Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
