I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
