i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
