I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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