i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
