I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
