Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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