Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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