there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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