I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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