4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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