you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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