stop calling my apartment porn island.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
