I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
