1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
