My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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