there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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