no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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