is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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