My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
