the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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