Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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