I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your penis caused this!
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