How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
