the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
