1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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