The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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