His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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