sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize