My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked