Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program