God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
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so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!