I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.