I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...