Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.