yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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