Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
