youre lurking in front of me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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