I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
