Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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