Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
