I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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