fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
