i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
