i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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