Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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