Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
