Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
