After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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