What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
