i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
