I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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