I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
